Understanding Issues Related to Bullies

Understanding Issues Related to Bullies

Whether your child is five or fifteen, bullies can be a real concern. Unfortunately, bullies are a part of life that many kids deal with on a regular basis. As a parent, you have questions. You want to protect your kids from acts of bullying that can hurt your child emotionally and/or physically. So what do you say to them – how can you protect them from this danger?

Here are seven things to keep in mind.

1)      Understand the problem. Bullying is not something that you can totally protect your children from. It is something that happens with kids and even with adults. But after we become adults we have better coping mechanisms and dealing with bullies becomes easier. Even so, it is important to remember how hurtful a bullying instance can be. Kids that are bullied may feel everything from fear to shame and anger.

2)      Talk with your kids. Sharing your own experiences with being bullied or even reading a book or watching a movie that includes this behavior can be a great way to educate children about ways to handle these situations. Kids are very uncomfortable with feeling shameful, which is how being bullied can make them feel. Talking about this feeling can help your kids feel more comfortable in sharing their experiences with you.

3)      Teach your kids that bullies are wrong. As talked about above, bullies can make their victims feel shameful, when in fact, it is the bully that is in the wrong. Bullies use taunts and tactics that cause emotional distress. Teach your kids that they have nothing to feel shameful about.

4)      Listen and empathize with your kids. It can be easy to minimize a bullying problem. After all, as an adult you have learned how to let negative comments roll-off your back. In fact, you may have learned to look for ways to use negative comments to make positive changes. But a child that is teased feels real emotional pain. Let your child know you understand that the pain is real. This will help keep the doors of communication open.

5)      Develop a plan. Offer your ideas and suggestions – and incorporate your child’s idea into a plan for dealing with bullies. One idea is to help your child feel more confident about standing up for others. For instance, you can talk about how an older sibling should always stand up for a younger brother or sister. Similarly, your child can stand up for smaller kids on the bus or at the playground. The idea is to help him or her build confidence and to understand that the victim is a victim and therefore, should not feel shame in being bullied. Conversations about this perspective of bullying can help your child better understand the concept and in the end, he/she may feel less trauma and emotional distress about these situations.

6)      Walking tall without violence. While it can be easy to say that standing up to a bully is the best way to get them to back down, it can also lead to violence and there may be a good chance that your child will get hurt. Rather than trying to defeat bullies with insults or physical harm, teach your child to rise above the feelings of shame; that is how to be brave.

7)      Talk to others. The more aware everyone is of a bully or bullying situation, the more likely it is that the behavior will be modified. Talk to other parents and teachers about bullying problems and concerns. Everyone’s child is at risk for becoming a victim of bullying and every parent has an interest in preventing this behavior.

Bullying may not be something that you can totally stop, but you can educate yourself and your children about the behavior. This helps give you and your kids more control in these unfortunate situations.

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